Since I started this blog, I’ve been guilty of something the leaders of my church warn against: I have only been showing the positive side. That is the simple reason that this blog has only published limited posts over the last five years. I do have another outlet for my writing online, but that outlet has also been quiet over the past six months. On MaggieSlighte.com in December I shared an essay about one of the challenges that has followed me all of my adult life, Major Depressive Disorder.
I remember when I first came to The Church. I had that intense “convert energy” and wanted to ascribe every feeling a Gospel reason or solution. My depression was no different. I prayed and prayed. I fasted. I had been Baptised, that meant my challenges with mental illness would be over if I just prayed and fasted and read enough scripture, right?
I couldn’t be more wrong. But I am far from alone. Six months after my Baptism, Elder Jeffery Holland was inspired by a Heavenly Father who heard my and many other’s prayers when he gave the address, “Like a Broken Vessel,” in which he shared his own struggles with depression and described Major Depressive Disorder (MDD): “an affliction so severe that it significantly restricts a person’s ability to function fully, a crater in the mind so deep that no one can responsibly suggest it would surely go away if those victims would just square their shoulders and think more positively,” while encouraging us all to continue to try to be positive.
Being positive can help. Prayers and reading my scripture does help. Doing my homework for my Master of Arts helps. But then, sometimes, everything gets to be too much and I am “losing it” in the Bishop’s office balling my eyes out. It happens to many of us.
I’m done pretending. This blog, in 2019, will have more posts. I will be sharing more of my Testimony. That side of my Testimony that has been earned through tears and struggles with Heavenly Father. Those prayers that didn’t get answered and how that felt. The healing that I have faith will happen, but for whatever reason, has been extended greatly in time. All of these elements of my Testimony are valid and important parts of the Faith that burns within my heart.
Faith does not grow without lessons. Testimonies do not flourish when everything goes as planned. Please continue to join me as I share more of the journey of my Testimony in the coming months and years.
I will be sharing the struggles that I experience and those tools of my faith that help me to cope. I am hoping that by doing this, perhaps I will also remind myself when those times get tough.
An additional change that I will be making will be the name of this blog. Since my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints no longer uses the nickname “Mormon” officially, I will be searching for a new blog name! I am welcoming suggestions! Please comment and share!
I will be choosing a new name for this blog before March 31, 2019, please comment here with your suggestion soon! Thank you!
Have a wonderful week ahead!